“I feel like other otakus are more deserving than me.” Why we sometimes deny ourselves pleasure. / Thus Spoke Hijiki Isoflavone

Today’s theme is “What do you think of self-denying otakus?”

First of all, what does it mean to be a self-denying otaku? According to the reader who sent me this submission, whenever they win merch of a character they like from lucky draw tickets or blind boxes but happen to know someone who’s a more hardcore fan of that character than they are, they end up giving away their prize instead of keeping it for themself.

Additionally, when they find out that a friend likes the same character as them, they tend to tone down their enthusiasm, as if to say that they don’t actually feel that strongly about their oshi. In short, the reader feels like they’re being a goody two-shoes, and they often hate themself for acting this way.

Frankly, my initial reaction to this submission was, “Are you talking about me?!” and I believe quite a few people might be able to relate to it too.

While I could simply write, “Being an otaku isn’t a competition! If you like something, honor those feelings, and don’t compare yourself to others!” and call it a day, what we know to be true and how we feel don’t always align. So, instead, let’s dive deeper into why we might behave in ways that don’t serve us.

To begin with, I think it’s pretty common to feel a sense of inadequacy when encountering people who are much more devoted or knowledgeable than you are about the topics you’re interested in. Everyone knows how pointless or even embarrassing it is to preach to the choir, which is probably why people subconsciously tend to express deference to those they deem more passionate or superior to them.

Perhaps that’s why this reader and others like them end up giving away their hard-won merch in spite of themselves; they secretly believe that whoever has the strongest emotional response or can demonstrate the most love for the series or character in question is the most deserving of a prize.

Imagine this scenario: you casually attend a concert, only to have a surprise guest artist show up who you’re not that familiar with. Even though you’re enjoying yourself, you can’t help but think, “Someone who’s an actual fan of X should be watching this instead... Why am I here?!”

Or perhaps you just witnessed a hardcore fan whooping with joy about their favorite series getting a second season or reboot, and you feel relieved at the fact that the series in question is getting an “appropriate” amount of love from a “genuine” fan.

Basically, when people assume that they aren't able to fully appreciate someone or something in all of their glory and thus achieve absolute bliss as they think they should, they often feel compelled to “give up their seats” to more enthusiastic otakus, figuratively speaking. If you think about it, though, there’s no need to be a superfan of every fandom you’re into, nor is it realistic...

As for me, although I don’t have that many friends with whom I share the same interests, I do have the tendency to give away random prizes I won even though I supposedly wanted them for myself. Afterwards, I often find myself thinking, “Hmm, maybe I should have kept it…” and end up looking for people willing to make a trade with me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been exasperated with myself as a result.

As much as I hate myself for being such a people pleaser, I also feel delighted when I see the other person beaming with happiness upon receiving my gift. Ah, yes, surely this legendary sword will be happier in the hands of an accomplished swordsman... I find myself nodding like some grey-haired swordsmith.

Essentially, I’ve created this image of a “deserving” person in my mind and earn myself a sense of odd relief whenever I get to give up my goods to them. As for whether I buy the same merch for myself later, the answer is usually a no.

Dear reader, you may hate being a people pleaser and feel like your actions are shallow because you feel like you're just doing it to be liked, but frankly, what you’re doing isn’t really achieving anything. After all, they don’t know you willingly gave up something you secretly love.

Most likely, they’ll simply assume that you’re not a huge fan of their oshi and were kind enough to give it to them—a win-win situation for both of you. You might have made their day, but that’s about it. Now that we’re adults and can afford to buy blind boxes and lucky-draw items without a second thought, no one is going to praise us for giving up something we want to another person anymore.

The most you can hope for is gaining bonus points in the afterlife if whatever deity judging you thinks you’re a generous soul for giving your friend that acrylic stand you secretly wanted yourself.

Personally, I think it’s healthier to be open about who you love and what you want from the outset instead of hiding your feelings.

Anyway, what was the topic again? Ah, yes. Self-denying otakus, myself included. If seeing the other person happy makes you happy, then I suppose that’s one way of being an otaku. After all, giving something up also means letting it go; sort of a life-changing magic of decluttering type thing. However, if you find yourself constantly bemoaning your actions afterwards, perhaps you should start practicing not giving up the things you love.

Speaking of, I hardly have any copies of my own doujinshi because whenever I distribute them, I usually give away the last copy to someone I figure actually wants to read it. Seriously, why am I like this...?