Curry Zawa Kaoru’s Creative Counseling - “I haven’t been able to draw ever since someone ridiculed my work.” When the only way out may not be "through."

Your story reminded me of the legendary open-weight fight between Japanese professional wrestler Shinobu Kandori and Brazilian mixed martial artist Gabi Garcia during Rizin FF 8 back in 2017—legendary in that it never took place, that is. Both competitors had been revved up and raring to go, but unfortunately for Garcia, she came in at a whopping 12.7 kg over the 95 kg weight limit during the official weigh-in. Consequently, the fight was canceled, and Kandori reportedly screamed at her, “You're a disgrace!” and ”We've got our asses on the line here!” before storming off stage.

While the interviewer you had the misfortune of encountering sounds like an unmistakable red flag, I can’t judge the situation accurately either, having not been there myself. Who knows—it might not have been a skill issue at all, but more to do with the fact that you were way off base to begin with, or simply that you were 12.7 hours late to the interview, in which case the interviewer may have been somewhat justified in blowing a fuse.

However, if you’d dressed appropriately, showed up to the interview on time, followed the submission guidelines to a tee, and still had not only your drawing abilities but your character attacked as well, then obviously, that interviewer is one hundred percent in the wrong, and most people would take your side in that situation. I highly suggest you share this story with kind, nonjudgmental listeners who won’t try to play devil’s advocate for the sake of stirring up drama or, at the very least, people you can talk to in real life.

Often, we tend to bottle up traumatic experiences because of how painful they can be to talk about or even recall. The downside of this is that despite thinking, “Man, I should’ve socked that interviewer one,” these feelings of hurt and anger can eventually turn inwards, leading you to blame yourself instead, which makes it even harder to overcome your trauma.

Thankfully, there’s no rule stating you have to do it all alone. If you can’t beat ’em on your own, call for backup. The more people you have on your side emphatically agreeing that the bastard ought to stick it where the sun don’t shine, the better, even if all they do is nod and say “mhm” or “uh-huh.” If the thought of being vulnerable with another human being sounds like torture to you, you can always turn to a friendly AI chatbot for a judgment-free rant zone.

Moreover, even if the job interviewer had specifically requested an eight-by-ten digital landscape drawing and you’d showed up with a life-size NSFW cutout of your oshi, that still wouldn’t give them the right to disparage you. As someone who is neither a colleague nor a client, the most they are allowed to do is judge if the quality of your work meets company standards; anything more, like unsolicited advice, is out of the question.

Now, I’m aware that some people have this strange notion that being “harsh” is acceptable as long as it’s for the other person’s benefit. Given that I sometimes love seeing my oshis suffer by giving them a bad ending or the Romantic False Lead trope treatment, I’m somewhat guilty of doing this myself. Still, it’s not like you learned anything useful about art from your experience, and the fact that the interviewer completely discouraged you from drawing proves that this tactic does more harm than good. The way I see it, stress interviews where the interviewer goes out of their way to provoke or be cruel have no place in the 2020s, and I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding people who agree with you.

That said, is blasting a hole through the wall, i.e., confronting your trauma head-on, the only way out? If you’re trying to avenge a parent’s death, then understandably, killing Minor Villain One or Two isn’t going to cut it—slaying the Big Bad is your only option. When it comes to art, however, there are plenty of potential viewers, including those who might eventually become fans of your work.

Ask any creator if they take the time to deal with each hateful comment or criticism they receive before starting a new piece, and the answer will most likely be “no.” Making art isn’t some kind of single-elimination tournament where you need to conquer your haters and critics in order to move on to your next piece. The only requisite for creating more art is to turn your back on them and continue drawing for the people who do appreciate your work.

Of course, most people aren’t completely immune to hate, and one “you should just jump off a cliff” comment is more likely to ruin your day than 99 positive comments are to uplift it. Even now, I tend to rot in bed for at least half a day whenever I read a hurtful message. On the flip side, that also means that after napping half the day away, I’m able to think a little clearer and shrug off the hate because, frankly, the math isn’t mathing. Offing myself just because one person said so is ridiculous when 99 others are telling me they’d rather see me alive, and ultimately, it’s for the latter that I continue to make art.

What’s so unfortunate about your case is that you were KOed on the first punch during your debut match without even a corner man to cheer you on, which is as ruthless as a parent telling their two-year-old in response to their first drawing, “Your proportions are all wrong.”

Technique isn’t the only thing that matters in art, though. No matter how objectively skilled you are at drawing, if someone doesn’t like your style, they might scoff and write it off as “typical nepo baby trash,” even if that couldn’t be further from the truth. Knowing the right fit for your work is another huge factor, especially when it comes to manga. For all I know, your art might have been more suitable for a preteen shōjo manga audience despite your job interview being for a traditional seinen manga magazine. As important as it is to work hard to get recognized, your work will never gain the recognition it deserves if you’re fishing in the wrong pond, so to speak.

The popular column Curry Zawa Kaoru’s Creative Counseling has been made into a book titled Otaku no Tanoshii Seisaku Ron (The Delightful Art of Otaku Creation, Bungeishunju).

In addition to fan-favorite episodes such as “Coping with fanwork taking a little too many liberties”, “When you can’t get feedback in an underdeveloped genre”, “Is 40 too old for doujin events?” and “Understanding the troubles and contradictions of killing off your favorite characters”, the book also includes brand new topics and advice!