Curry Zawa Kaoru's Creative Counseling - "I feel guilty for being the only one drawing explicit art." But such feelings are important in fan work.

Ah, here's yet another message that has my attention drifting because I'm too curious about the specific niche or pairings in question.

After going over your message for about the fifth time, I've made up my mind to pass over any future ones that don't end with a little secret note revealing the anonymous niche or OTPs to me.

First off, sharing your work is basically like flashing your brain's weird fantasies to the world. It's like saying, "I just showed a bit of skin, didn't mean anything by it," but honestly, who does that without feeling something? It's hard to imagine anyone putting their stuff out there without any feelings involved.

Particularly with fan work, putting your creations out there is almost like exposing your deepest desires and kinks to the world. If someone doesn't pause or feel a bit apprehensive about doing that, I'd actually be more concerned for their well-being.

Even I still feel a twinge of embarrassment and anxiety whenever my own work goes public.

There are times I look back and wonder, "Why did I go off on Elon Musk so harshly?" And despite regretting going after Elon once again, I find myself repeating the pattern and then spending nights awake, mulling over it.

But would I be honest if I said I didn’t enjoy those moments of Elon-fueled breakdown? Of course not. Nothing beats the rush of creating something that excites you as a creator. And if it's something only you can make, the satisfaction is even greater.

The beauty of being in a somewhat unpopulated niche is that everything you create is both one-of-a-kind and top-of-the-lineーthe one and only, the ultimate.

Sure, the isolation of being the only one there and the constant wondering, "Is this really where I belong?" is ever-present. But in the vast metropolis of mainstream niches, the crime rate of copycats tends to skyrocket, and you might find yourself surrounded by versions 9.0 of yourself, questioning your place all over again. That’s a completely different kind of solitude.

Since you've brought up Shiton Anehata, aren't you implicitly hinting that the "guilt" you're grappling with actually fuels your creativity?

It's a common tale that the thrill of a forbidden tryst in some BL protagonist-worthy back alley is more exhilarating than a cozy, legally-sanctioned cuddle under an IKEA blanket.

Anehata's literal ascension was spiced up by the transgression involved. Had he not felt any guilt over his scandalous rendezvous with his four-legged companions, we might've been left with a detached Anehata mechanically peeling off his tattoos in a post-coital clarity moment, marking one of the manga world's most anticlimactic defeats maybe ever.

Your creative buzz probably comes bundled with a sense of taboo, too. If you manage to shake off that guilt, your creative endeavor might just feel like "Marilyn Manson without the Manson," leaving you wondering what's even left.

Just as tastes in food vary widely and are often innate, so are ways to enjoy creating.

Some find joy in writing feel-good gags with well-loved characters from popular nichesーthey're the enjoyers of caramel macchiatos, leisurely sipping their drink at a café. Then there are other folks, much like yourself, who delight in crafting risqué content for pairings no one else touches, much like someone who can only appreciate their liquor strong and early in the morning. That's just how it is.

In other words, since you were born with a palate that relishes this particular blend, why not fully embrace your unique concoction of edgy themes and fine art? Embrace your unique style as long as it doesn't wreck your mental health.

If we're drawing parallels with Golden Kamuy, think about Ogata, who always saw himself as lacking. It wasn't until he got slammed by his own massive storm of feelings that he realized he actually did feel guilty, which somehow brought him some peace right at the end.

Following that logic, guilt is an essential emotion, something you shouldn't be without. Every time you put down something that makes you feel a bit guilty, especially those edgy scenes with characters that hardly anyone knows about, you should give yourself a pat on the back and think, "I did good today," and actually enjoy that feeling.

Really, feeling guilty is a key part of fan work.

You shouldn't beat yourself up for spending your day sketching questionable scenes of barely-known characters. However, the fact remains that you're borrowing someone else’s characters for your creations, regardless of whether it’s adult content or suitable for all ages.

At the heart of it, taking characters for your own use is a bit of a guilty pleasure that the original creators let slide. If you forget that humility and guilt and get lost in thinking, "I can post whatever I want, who cares?" you might just stir up the wrong kind of attention and bring down some heat on the whole niche.

So, treating your work like it's walking a tightrope, knowing you could really upset someone and being ready to say sorry big time if it comes to that, is the smart way to go about fan work.

Feeling like you don't quite fit in with your own community might be a worry. Since I was a kid, I've always leaned into the more risqué side of characters like Goku and his bald BFF, and despite that, there are still some characters I'd rather not see in eroticaーso it's understandable some people might feel uncomfortable. But that sentiment exists across all niches.

However, there are definitely those who find solace and encouragement in what might seem like the only flower on a deserted island.

In fact, I personally have a soft spot for such unique flowers, which is why I get antsy when people asking about niche genres leave out the details.

It's not just because they're rare or exotic.

Being an otaku means never knowing when you might end up on your own deserted island. While some might yearn to live there, the loneliness might send them swimming back through the arch of flying fish to the big metropolis.

And yet, thinking back on that one resilient flower can spark the thought, "Hey, I can make it here, too."

Just like Anehata left a mark before he checked out, your work that mixes up unlikely pairings in all their messy glory is definitely going to hit the right note with someone.