Curry Zawa Kaoru’s Creative Counseling - “I’m too embarrassed to write NSFW scenes.” Being able to embrace the cringe is a skill in itself.

“I don’t really have anything specific in mind” is my default answer whenever I have a meeting with my editors to discuss a potential new series. If I could disregard factors such as popularity, sales, or even technical feasibility and have total free rein over my work, though, I would immediately drop to my knees, sobbing like a disheveled madwoman, and scream, “Let me draw a spicy romcom!!!”

You might think, why not just go for it? For starters, I doubt I can come up with anything worth reading, not to mention the above is beyond my writing and drawing skills... Although, truth be told, these are all excuses I use to talk myself out of taking the plunge. In reality, I’m simply too embarrassed to draw graphic scenes. NSFW scenes where you can tell the artist was dying of embarrassment while drawing them are just as cringe-worthy as people who add a “Sorry if this sounds bad” disclaimer before every song they sing at karaoke (seriously, don’t). Obviously, I’d rather not be that person, especially if publishing something like that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. As a result, I end up deflating like a balloon each time I consider doing it.

Does that mean that authors whose works feature onomatopoeia and moans extending beyond the limits of mother nature and the human imagination never feel an ounce of embarrassment? Not at all! Naturally, there are always exceptions, but most NSFW artists have experienced some sort of internal struggle before crossing the modesty threshold they’re used to and going full throttle, thus earning themselves a spot in the FIA (Fornication Internationale de l’Anus) World Endurance Championship. When it comes to making art, being able to get over your embarrassment or not having any in the first place is a remarkable talent in itself. In that sense, you could say that neither you nor I are gifted in writing smut.

That said, everybody’s cringe tolerance is slightly different, and what you might be able to do with relative ease could be incredibly embarrassing for someone else. I often write essays for work, and while I may occasionally exaggerate stuff for comedic effect, most of the things I write about have actually taken place in real life. Some NSFW artists who have no problem drawing or writing 2D sex between fictional characters might balk at the thought of revealing their personal lives and inner dialogue in excruciating detail. You could even say we are the true perverts here, fretting about our hair while ignoring the fact that our privates are hanging out for the world to see.

Perhaps you simply lack the means to remove the safety brakes limiting your capacity for creating spicy fanfic... for now. Still, you’re probably “unhinged” in other ways—maybe you’re a pro at making your characters suffer unimaginable grief or writing emotional scenes that force people to take a break from reading for their own sanity. Instead of writing and deleting mid, unenthusiastic NSFW scenes over and over again, why not opt for a writing style or genre that will allow you to unleash your full capabilities as a writer?

Now, I’m not saying you should give up on writing smut entirely. If the problem isn’t a lack of talent but simply an issue of you struggling to embrace the cringe, so to speak, there may still be hope for you.

That said, since you lack the ability to remove the safety brakes, it might take a while—perhaps even a lifetime—for you to overcome your embarrassment. As a matter of fact, according to one manga magazine editor, a significant number of people entering their Best New Manga contest are people who are well past the retirement age. The common theme in their submissions? They all have a plot that’s something along the lines of “protagonist ends up doing naughty things with (the author’s idea of) a smoking hot woman or man.”

While I feel bad for the people who have to read these submissions every month, there’s something hopeful about knowing that these people managed to unleash what they’ve been suppressing their whole lives before they died. Even if horniness is all they have left, at least they have opened the door to the possibility of leaving behind a legacy that could make people happy (instead of being remembered as a perverted old-timer who preys on other people because they couldn't find a better outlet for their desires).

While you might continue to feel frustrated about not being able to write what you want to, try to hold on to the feeling that you’ll make it happen one day. If anything, it’s probably easier to maintain your hobby if you have something you dream of writing rather than run out of things to write early on.

The popular column Curry Zawa Kaoru’s Creative Counseling has been made into a book titled Otaku no Tanoshii Seisaku Ron (The Delightful Art of Otaku Creation, Bungeishunju).

In addition to fan-favorite episodes such as “Coping with fanwork taking a little too many liberties”, “When you can’t get feedback in an underdeveloped genre”, “Is 40 too old for doujin events?” and “Understanding the troubles and contradictions of killing off your favorite characters”, the book also includes brand new topics and advice!